I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
