I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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