if i can run in heels then i can drive
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
