dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
