Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
