smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize