I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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