Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
