Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
