is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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