What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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