he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
