thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
