Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
The best revenge is premature balding
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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