he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize