When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
