look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
