I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
whose ass print is on the piano?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize