after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
