Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
