dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he thought i was a dude.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
