i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
