we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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