At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
