Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
