Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
