If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize