I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
