It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
