Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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