Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I can text with my tongue
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
