I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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