Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
