Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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