I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
