sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
