I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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