How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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