just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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