life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
