he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
