I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
