Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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