I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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