ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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