The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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