I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
