i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
