I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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