I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
