It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
