Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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