I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
