I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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