Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
