i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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