I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
