Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
