Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's blow job season.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize