ya dads aren't the best wingmen
one two three fourrrrnication!
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
