I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
