That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize