you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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