I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
