In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
