I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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