dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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