Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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