i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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