Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
