Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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