He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize