pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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