so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
