Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
