that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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