The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
FUCK WHALES
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
