i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need to stop coming to work sober
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
