You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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