I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
