I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We need a shit load of segways right now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
