Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
