you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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