I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
