we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize