I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
