its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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