You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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