I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
