im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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