is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
