I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
