You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
