We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize