Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
